Post Pregnancy..

Here I am, strong, hale and healthy leading a life of an entrepreneur. Yes, I've started my online boutique that sells ladies garments. This is a tiring job and Brain storming. Yet it is keeping me occupied. It is a one woman show. I am answerable to me and it is a huge thing on me. The follow-ups have to super fast. The delivery has to be on time. The goods should be of good quality. More than anything else, I have to be open to many ideas and views and learn from mistakes. 

So.. All the best to me and I hope to do a good job! 

Kalyanamam Kalyanam by Iyer aathu ponnu! :-)

I come from a Tamil Brahmin Iyer Tanjore Vadama family( Now should I say orthodox?). Parents are from a typical Tanjore background valuing every bit of a tradition that was left by their parents and religiously follow every bit of it without questioning any. They are "Forward thinking Brahmins".  Now that doesn't mean they are ready to give up on the values around marriage, the rituals that are to be followed and the way the entire process of marriage, post marriage things happen. This particular post  is not about me and my marriage. It is about most of the parents of a daughter/son from a "TamBram  community".
I was so inspired to write this when I started seeing some page on TamBram and the tips on a social networking site. Added to that, I have been receiving a lot of "GOOD NEWS"(kalyana news)  from my friends and relatives and have been attending a few as well. Have also been hearing a lot of  "Vambus"(Gossips) about the marriage proposals. I was so intrigued by the way TamBram  families approach  marriage as an event. That said, this is going to be in from a iyer girl's perspective.

Tambrams are generally divided into Iyers and Iyengars each claiming to be superior to the other :-P. Again each of these are divided into many subsets. Iyers are divided into Vadama, Vathima, Brahacharanam, Ashtasastram,(subsets NO Bar is common these days in matrimonial sites) and Iyengars are divided into Vadagalai, Thengalai, etc. Now a days TamBrams are more outward in accepting an Iyer-Iyengar wedding these days. That is mostly a part of love marriage which we shall see later. 

In an arranged marriage, it all starts with parents registering the details of prospective bride/groom in matrimonial sites. For e.g. Tamil Iyer Vadama and carrying it forward.  "Jadhaga parivarthanai" (Horoscope exchange). The search starts from sites and mostly the boy's side calls on the girl's side. Here goes the conversation. Generally groom's parents are more dominating and have the attitude "Naanga paiyanathu side-akkum" and the girls' side try to be submissive.

Groom's Mother: "Halo, Mami ungathu ponnu details Tamil Matrimonyla parthom. En paiyan id tharen. Parungo. Avan "AMERICA" la padichitu angaye velai pakaran. Ungathu ponnu velai pakarala? Photos anupungo"

Bride's Mother: "Solungo mami, naa pakaren. Paiyanoda photo irukum illaiya. Jadagham sariya irunthu kuzhanthelkum pudichirntha namma daralama proceed panalam. After all namaku kuzhanthel santhosham thana mukiyam. Unga ooru ethu?"

Groom's Mother: "Naan Kumbakonam. Engathu mama kum Kumbakonam than. Avar Bank la GM-a irunthu retire agitar. Engaluku rendu kuzhanthel. Ponnu chinava. Kalyanam agi US-la settle ayita".

Bride's Mother: "Oho.. Naangalum Tanjavur than. Engathu mama oru company MD ya irukar. Engaluku eva orey ponnu"

....

Goes the conversation. Now if you look into the conversation, America or any foreign country is important these days as it is a mark of prestige. I dont understand what is with where the prospective groom is actually located. It is most common amongst the brahmin families to have either the groom or the bride working for an MNC and either or both working elsewhere. Now after exchanging the "Jadhagam",which mostly decides the further talks, and if everything else is fine such as the groom-to-be liking the bride-to-be's pic, a formal "Ponnu parkum padalam" is arranged.In most cases, the meeting is just to make the girl and boy meet each other and talk about the stuff they might want to know of each other. For elders who accompany, it becomes a session to discuss the "lougiga vishayam"  which means, discussing about where and when the marriage can be arranged if everything goes on as they want. We call it the bajji sojji session for the grooms'side ;-). Most of the times, the guys who come for vacation and schedule 2-3 bajji sojji sessions to decide on one prospective bride for them. So they have choices to make. As for me, it all happened in a week's time. Right from exchanging the horoscopes to meeting each other to formal engagement. So is the case with my husband. So, I cant comment on how it would be if the guy or the girl says no. The entire""ponnu parkum padalm" itself is irritating(my personal opinion)

Now if all is well, as the "ELDERS"want it to be, a formal engagement is announced and rings are exchanged. Though in earlier days, it was conducted on the day before the marriage, it has become a practise to let the groom-to-be's side to conduct a formal ring ceremony. Generally, the marriage expenses are borne by the bride's side. I personally wonder who brought in all these practises as both the sides are responsible for whatever is being done. Is marriage not a practise to bring two families to be one? Now i don't want to digress.

After the ring ceremony, both the sides get busy with the marriage chores like buying "pudavais, veshti's, vechu kudukara samaan, pathram, velli samaan, thangam, etc". One main thing is preparing the invitation list. Oh... The invitation list now will contain people whom you might not even know but of those people who come and ask you (if at all you meet them on some other occassion.) They say "Enna nyabagam irukka?" Hahaha.. I wouldn't have known that person and would still say Yes. Lol.. Now back to this, after all the purchases are done, we finally settle down for the marriage day. Hey wait.. what am I typing about settling down for the D-day. Tension always prevails until the last moment. Even after meticulous planning. "Itha eduthu vechchacha? Atha.. Aprom atha?" With people around, you feel the tension only creeping up rather than subsiding..

Now on to the D-day.. Await the next post from me on this :) Kalyana Galatta :D 

My Dream House

Since my childhood, I've always wanted to build a house that will have many facilities. I've kept designing it in my dreams every now and then. I was so much obsessed that I even wanted to become an architect for that one dream project. I look forward to every Saturday's newspaper. The Saturday supplements contain property details that are for sale. It would also contain some articles that would help us design a house with some better amenities. 

Now on to my "dream house" details..

It would contain the following specs..

• A large living room which would be surrounded with small bonsais.. The living room will be designed in a way that once we enter, we have some space and in the middle of the room, we climb down a few steps that to have a seating. The seating arrangement will be in a circular fashion with nice sofas and a center table.
• Up we climb, we are led to a kitchen with dining room. The kitchen should be spacious enough with wood work done to close the open shelves. All storages go into the shelves and there is a nice kitchen wares to compliment the decor. Also, a nice dining table with chairs are put up. There should be facility for cutting and washing vegetables in a separate place with all necessary waste management in place. From the kitchen a small open area must be there with small chairs put up with grass where we can have tea/coffee on a relaxed evening.
• On the other side of the kitchen, there should be provision for having the washing machine and dishwasher.
• Back to the living room area.. From the living room, we shall be led to another another room which'll be connected and can used a study/ music room. An attached bath should be there as well..

Now, my house should be a duplex and so from here, there should a staircase that will lead to the first floor of the house. A circular path way with parapet wall that helps us see what is happening in the living room area. On to the rooms :) 

• There will be three rooms. Each serving as a bed room. One is the master bedroom with huge queen size cot & mattress. On one side of the wall, a flat TV should be there. This room should have an attached bathroom. The bathroom should be fitted with a nice bath tub and nice curtain. The bathroom should have a wash closet at the other end and a music system should be there to help enjoy the shower.
• The next bedroom is for my cute lil one. The walls should be painted with barbies and cute animals that she likes. The bathroom that I mentioned should be connected to her room as well
• Next comes the Guest room with a set of sofas and the other end of the room with a cot.
• Another end of the first floor should lead to a terrace garden with many small plants.

This is not all. This is just a small spec. Lol. Some great man has asked us to Dream, Dream And DREAM. I am dreaming big so that it turns true one day.. Cheers :)

Do's and Dont's during Pregnancy

Pregnancy and child birth are the best things to happen to in any girl's life. So is true with me as well. I shall pass on a few tips to the moms-to-be.

There are a very few pregnancies where, everything goes on smoothly and you end up delivering without much effort. But in my case, I almost had all the symptoms and ended up in a C-section.

So, I took atmost care to deliver a healthy baby and these are some of the stuffs that I think I can document and pass on to.

 It is better to check with a Gynaecologist if you have any intentions of having a child. It helps to avoid any mishap. The doctors mostly suggest a Folic-acid based course for the development of the healthy babies.

When the pregnancy is confirmed....

Do's
------
1. Take in enough liquid in form of fresh juices and water. There is bound to be constipation. It is always better to take in vegetables like Cabbage and Radish that help in easing out.

2. Some people might have nausea, vomiting and giddiness. So, it is better to identify those food items that are  nauseating and avoid them.

3. Take rest. Sleeping is the best way to take rest.

4. Listen to a lot of music. Researches are going on to prove the music therapy helps in a sharp development of brain in fetuses.

5. Start walking and doing exercises/yoga that your doctor has prescribed.

6. Eat lots of fruits like pomegranate and apple.

7. Watch comedy clips to keep your mood upright as there will be a lot of mood swings happening due to hormonal changes.

Dont's
-------
1. Eat outside food and water. They may contain ajinomotto, a chinese salt, which is supposed to carcinogenic.

2. Eat sweets and oily food that might lead to Gestational diabetics and also high blood pressure. It always helps in keeping weight gain under control.

3. Eat for 2 people. There is never a case where we will be eating for two people including the child. It only leads to unnecessary weight gain. Fill your stomach. The baby will get its food automatically.

4. Take in medicines without consulting doctor. The medicines that we take might have a different effect during pregnancy.

5. Apply cosmetic lotions/creams. They affect the skin and leave some pigmentations.

6. Lift heavy objects. This might leave you gasping for breath and might lead to cramps

7. Take too much Stress. With the amount of sedentary and stressful jobs increasing, there is a need to take extra care to avoid such stuff.

8. Travel in Auto-Rickshaws.

These are some of the suggestions that I put forth to the expecting mums out there. Shall Update the blog if some more strike my mind,

Love!

Disclaimer: No two pregnancies are the same. These are based purely on my experiences.. 

The Magic of Parenthood and the joy of motherhood!

We were not ready to have a child yet. We were still wanting to borrow time from our parents and asked them not to "pester" us with the question--"When are you going to have a child?" We had just conveyed our feelings to our parents.

On that day, I had immense pain on my lower back and I had missed my periods. I consulted a gynac to only be told that I was 'Pregnant'. We both looked at each other and my husband popped up this question whether he should thank or congratulate. That moment I saw a very different person in my DH. From a person who was not ready for parenthood, he had transformed into an all together new person who was so excited and thrilled and who was so concerned about each and every step that we took forward. It sunk in him so soon. I was fully into a new zone and the medicines that I was prescribed only made me so sleepy and drowsy. I hardly had time to enjoy my first trimester. For me, it was still sinking in that I was going to be a mom. I took each day as it came . Generally, they say women get that motherly instincts the moment they get  to know of the pregnancy but men get their fatherly instincts only after holding their babies in the hand. I don't know how far it is true as in my case, I saw a very doting father in the making right from the start of my pregnancy , in him. I always took care of myself for the sake of the baby .  World started revolving around the to-be born baby without our knowledge. Yet it was the labour room that told me what this child actually meant to me when I was told that the baby w under distress. I went to extent of telling the doctor that it was ok if anything Happened to me but I wanted the kid to see this world all hale and healthy.And I meant every single word of it. A mother in me was already born!! :-) Though it is not a new phenomenon that a woman delivers a baby, yet, I was so proud of being a woman and a mother when she was born. The respect for womanhood has only increased!! :-)After that 2 and half day ordeal we were indeed fine and the joy has only increased profoundly!!! The new father was too busy buying stuff for the next few days that he even forgot that he needed to catch up some sleep. 

Every day has been and experience with Her. She has changed the life for good. I have changed a lot :-) As she learns so do I. Everyday she learns new things and the number of times she fails to actually perfect her movements only fascinates me and I learn a lot from her. It is all the more magical when she cries  calling me "Amma". The first time I heard her say that word was on a mother's day. What more can I ask for????? She is magical. Isn't she?

There was always a united feeling about India

The other day my husband came home with memories of how he lived his childhood without any hush-hush and enjoyed the serene surroundings. He also mentioned about a discussion in office. One of his colleagues had blogged about the songs that used to be aired on Doordarshan(which was the only channel available for all of us before the satellite TV took over) and that people aged between 25 and 35 can easily relate to it. Songs like Mile sur mera thumhara, Vande mataram, etc.  Those are master pieces. We can never recreate that era anymore.

We continued our discussion and both of us could not agree more on the point that India is no longer the same. There was always a calmness and an integrity and a unity associated with this lovely country. Now all we find is a fight, a race to prove who is on top and corruption. Everywhere we go, there is only fight, there is corruption. I am not against any development happening in our country. All I feel is that the development has taken away the charm associated with this country. There is always a sense of insecurity. The sense of calmness is no longer prevailing. There is a lot of commercialization around. For example, I hardly find children playing on roadside these days.There are a lot of flat systems that have come up where the children are made to play in a very small confined area. If this is not the case, they are made to attend some class or made to sit in front of the TV watching some cartoon channels. On the contrary, when we were children, since we were not exposed to such advancements, we were left to play all day. We, as children would play until we were exhausted and would return home after a lot of physical activity. I only pity the state of the kids these days. Not only this, there are a lot of high end vehicles that ply these days which are making the situation worse.  I wish there were only less vehicles around and we were made to cycle to our destination. This could save a lot in terms of fuel as well the environment.

Talking about the integrity and calmness, when we trying to find out the reason, we could spot one big hole in the system. From what I understand there are a lot of people out there waiting to exploit the divide  amongst us in the name of POLITICIANS. We believe in someone to help us. we trust them. we elect them and lo-behold, all we see is the size of scams becoming bigger and the state of people becoming poorer. We don't see anything that is pro people. All we see is how they pocket bigger money and thereby increasing the burden on the people. Not to forget the region wise divide they bring in. Instilling the thought of oneness is long gone. This topic is vast. The frustration is only increasing. Every new idea brought into the state for the people is no more For The People rather is more For The People(read family members and children) of the politicians. You see a scam popping out of anything and everything they do and globally one day India will be called The Land of Unlimited Scams.

It is not only the politicians  who are to be blamed. It is plain and simple they are provided with opportunity by we the people ourselves. We dont want to do anything other than cribbing and calling others by the region they belongs to. We sit at home cribbing. At least that is what I am doing at this point. I'll ensure certain are instilled in my kid as to not become one amongst the thousands and lakhs and crores to keep mum seeing the shit thrown at her and at people around her. 

It is a long post already yet I am unable to resist myself. When I think of what my child would understand and what she might have to go through, I go crazy. I dont want her to see it as a corrupt land.. I dont  want her to see this place which is unlivable. I know, I understand that I am being overly complacent however, all I can do at this point is tell you what I feel. You are my mirror. I just hope a days come when better things are awaiting all of us. 

P.S : This post is a reflection of some bad experiences... :(. This too shall pass..

The biggest surprise of my life!

Hello world,

Back after a hiatus.. Wonderful and joyful period this has been for I've become a mother and this 1 year period has been full of new experiences, great surprises all together changing me into a new person.

Last year On 15th March, I found out that I was pregnant. The funniest part was that my husband and I had just then spoken to both our parents not to pester us about having a kid for the next few years' time. It was not even a month after that we discovered about the pregnancy. Felt a little embarrassed however it came as a big surprise and took me to another world of joy. Those 10 months' period that I bore the baby were full of joy and anticipation of what would be the sex of the baby, how it would be like to hold a baby in my arms, the anxiety about the wellness of the baby and what not. Everything started revolving around bearing the unborn child in mind. Never knew it could be so until I actually went through the process.

It amazes me how an egg forms into an embryo and then to a fetus in a dark small bag called uterus. Science might have advanced. However, it still cannot find out whether the baby is forming well with all its parts intact and is also properly growing.

That said, It was predicted by one and all that I would give birth to a baby boy. So I started imagining a figure of a baby boy and planned to name him Arav. My husband and I were both happy to welcome the gift of our lives and decided that we would be happy with any child be it a girl or a boy. However we also asked people to bless us that we would have a girl child as we both felt that we can buy more stuff for girls when compared to boys. We both are shoppoholics :-). Days went by counting as we neared the finale. Btw, we were told that I might give birth on any day During the middle of Nov, other factors intact.

We realized the worth of the precious gift on July 2. Not that we didn't realize it less earlier. It was more special b'cos of an incident that happened. I was being bombarded by gifts from all quarters for becoming pregnant and one such gifts was gold ornaments that my husband and my mother wanted to buy for me. We visited one of the shops in t nagar and crowded place it is as always suffocated me and I started to develop severe cramps in my stomach and wanted to know if everything was alright. Only when we realized that everything was normal after a check up did we understand that more was at stake than we actually had imagined.

We became very cautious about our travel and eagerly awaited the day of the new arrival. In the mean time we had this routine functions like valaikappu and seemantham performed for the baby's well being.

It was a wonderful period as I was receiving more and more kicks from my little ones. What a joy to actually feel those kicks! My baby was actually hyper active and was almost always playing. The doctor was once surprised to see that the baby was having the legs crossed and happily enjoying when sonogram was being performed during one of the routing check ups. W were so excited to see our little ones growing and moving in that small area day by day. Moreso the aniticipation of the sex of the baby was also growing. We almost decided on Arav's dresses on the first day of his arrival. Btw, Arav was arrived at from both my husband's and my names.

Came November and everybody around started to predict in how many day's time I would deliver the baby. In the mean time I had my routine check-ups done and was told by the doctor that it didn't seem that the baby was descending and that I might cross the predicted Date of delivery. She asked whether we wanted to know the sex of the baby now that it was fag end of the pregnancy and i would deliver any time. We politely denied though we said that our strong intuition was a baby boy.Finally, as I crossed the predicted date, the doctor asked me to get admitted in order to artificially induce the labour pain.

I was in labour for two days' time to finally deliver the baby via an emergency ceaserean section to find the biggest surprise of my life that the baby was girl. Ashu @ Riya V Kashyap arrived on 20-11-2011 and has since been the center of all our lives.

More on how I coped during the pregnancy period and what are the dos and dont's are to follow in the next post :-)

C ya all.. Love