Post Pregnancy..

Here I am, strong, hale and healthy leading a life of an entrepreneur. Yes, I've started my online boutique that sells ladies garments. This is a tiring job and Brain storming. Yet it is keeping me occupied. It is a one woman show. I am answerable to me and it is a huge thing on me. The follow-ups have to super fast. The delivery has to be on time. The goods should be of good quality. More than anything else, I have to be open to many ideas and views and learn from mistakes. 

So.. All the best to me and I hope to do a good job! 

Kalyanamam Kalyanam by Iyer aathu ponnu! :-)

I come from a Tamil Brahmin Iyer Tanjore Vadama family( Now should I say orthodox?). Parents are from a typical Tanjore background valuing every bit of a tradition that was left by their parents and religiously follow every bit of it without questioning any. They are "Forward thinking Brahmins".  Now that doesn't mean they are ready to give up on the values around marriage, the rituals that are to be followed and the way the entire process of marriage, post marriage things happen. This particular post  is not about me and my marriage. It is about most of the parents of a daughter/son from a "TamBram  community".
I was so inspired to write this when I started seeing some page on TamBram and the tips on a social networking site. Added to that, I have been receiving a lot of "GOOD NEWS"(kalyana news)  from my friends and relatives and have been attending a few as well. Have also been hearing a lot of  "Vambus"(Gossips) about the marriage proposals. I was so intrigued by the way TamBram  families approach  marriage as an event. That said, this is going to be in from a iyer girl's perspective.

Tambrams are generally divided into Iyers and Iyengars each claiming to be superior to the other :-P. Again each of these are divided into many subsets. Iyers are divided into Vadama, Vathima, Brahacharanam, Ashtasastram,(subsets NO Bar is common these days in matrimonial sites) and Iyengars are divided into Vadagalai, Thengalai, etc. Now a days TamBrams are more outward in accepting an Iyer-Iyengar wedding these days. That is mostly a part of love marriage which we shall see later. 

In an arranged marriage, it all starts with parents registering the details of prospective bride/groom in matrimonial sites. For e.g. Tamil Iyer Vadama and carrying it forward.  "Jadhaga parivarthanai" (Horoscope exchange). The search starts from sites and mostly the boy's side calls on the girl's side. Here goes the conversation. Generally groom's parents are more dominating and have the attitude "Naanga paiyanathu side-akkum" and the girls' side try to be submissive.

Groom's Mother: "Halo, Mami ungathu ponnu details Tamil Matrimonyla parthom. En paiyan id tharen. Parungo. Avan "AMERICA" la padichitu angaye velai pakaran. Ungathu ponnu velai pakarala? Photos anupungo"

Bride's Mother: "Solungo mami, naa pakaren. Paiyanoda photo irukum illaiya. Jadagham sariya irunthu kuzhanthelkum pudichirntha namma daralama proceed panalam. After all namaku kuzhanthel santhosham thana mukiyam. Unga ooru ethu?"

Groom's Mother: "Naan Kumbakonam. Engathu mama kum Kumbakonam than. Avar Bank la GM-a irunthu retire agitar. Engaluku rendu kuzhanthel. Ponnu chinava. Kalyanam agi US-la settle ayita".

Bride's Mother: "Oho.. Naangalum Tanjavur than. Engathu mama oru company MD ya irukar. Engaluku eva orey ponnu"

....

Goes the conversation. Now if you look into the conversation, America or any foreign country is important these days as it is a mark of prestige. I dont understand what is with where the prospective groom is actually located. It is most common amongst the brahmin families to have either the groom or the bride working for an MNC and either or both working elsewhere. Now after exchanging the "Jadhagam",which mostly decides the further talks, and if everything else is fine such as the groom-to-be liking the bride-to-be's pic, a formal "Ponnu parkum padalam" is arranged.In most cases, the meeting is just to make the girl and boy meet each other and talk about the stuff they might want to know of each other. For elders who accompany, it becomes a session to discuss the "lougiga vishayam"  which means, discussing about where and when the marriage can be arranged if everything goes on as they want. We call it the bajji sojji session for the grooms'side ;-). Most of the times, the guys who come for vacation and schedule 2-3 bajji sojji sessions to decide on one prospective bride for them. So they have choices to make. As for me, it all happened in a week's time. Right from exchanging the horoscopes to meeting each other to formal engagement. So is the case with my husband. So, I cant comment on how it would be if the guy or the girl says no. The entire""ponnu parkum padalm" itself is irritating(my personal opinion)

Now if all is well, as the "ELDERS"want it to be, a formal engagement is announced and rings are exchanged. Though in earlier days, it was conducted on the day before the marriage, it has become a practise to let the groom-to-be's side to conduct a formal ring ceremony. Generally, the marriage expenses are borne by the bride's side. I personally wonder who brought in all these practises as both the sides are responsible for whatever is being done. Is marriage not a practise to bring two families to be one? Now i don't want to digress.

After the ring ceremony, both the sides get busy with the marriage chores like buying "pudavais, veshti's, vechu kudukara samaan, pathram, velli samaan, thangam, etc". One main thing is preparing the invitation list. Oh... The invitation list now will contain people whom you might not even know but of those people who come and ask you (if at all you meet them on some other occassion.) They say "Enna nyabagam irukka?" Hahaha.. I wouldn't have known that person and would still say Yes. Lol.. Now back to this, after all the purchases are done, we finally settle down for the marriage day. Hey wait.. what am I typing about settling down for the D-day. Tension always prevails until the last moment. Even after meticulous planning. "Itha eduthu vechchacha? Atha.. Aprom atha?" With people around, you feel the tension only creeping up rather than subsiding..

Now on to the D-day.. Await the next post from me on this :) Kalyana Galatta :D