Post Pregnancy..

Here I am, strong, hale and healthy leading a life of an entrepreneur. Yes, I've started my online boutique that sells ladies garments. This is a tiring job and Brain storming. Yet it is keeping me occupied. It is a one woman show. I am answerable to me and it is a huge thing on me. The follow-ups have to super fast. The delivery has to be on time. The goods should be of good quality. More than anything else, I have to be open to many ideas and views and learn from mistakes. 

So.. All the best to me and I hope to do a good job! 

Kalyanamam Kalyanam by Iyer aathu ponnu! :-)

I come from a Tamil Brahmin Iyer Tanjore Vadama family( Now should I say orthodox?). Parents are from a typical Tanjore background valuing every bit of a tradition that was left by their parents and religiously follow every bit of it without questioning any. They are "Forward thinking Brahmins".  Now that doesn't mean they are ready to give up on the values around marriage, the rituals that are to be followed and the way the entire process of marriage, post marriage things happen. This particular post  is not about me and my marriage. It is about most of the parents of a daughter/son from a "TamBram  community".
I was so inspired to write this when I started seeing some page on TamBram and the tips on a social networking site. Added to that, I have been receiving a lot of "GOOD NEWS"(kalyana news)  from my friends and relatives and have been attending a few as well. Have also been hearing a lot of  "Vambus"(Gossips) about the marriage proposals. I was so intrigued by the way TamBram  families approach  marriage as an event. That said, this is going to be in from a iyer girl's perspective.

Tambrams are generally divided into Iyers and Iyengars each claiming to be superior to the other :-P. Again each of these are divided into many subsets. Iyers are divided into Vadama, Vathima, Brahacharanam, Ashtasastram,(subsets NO Bar is common these days in matrimonial sites) and Iyengars are divided into Vadagalai, Thengalai, etc. Now a days TamBrams are more outward in accepting an Iyer-Iyengar wedding these days. That is mostly a part of love marriage which we shall see later. 

In an arranged marriage, it all starts with parents registering the details of prospective bride/groom in matrimonial sites. For e.g. Tamil Iyer Vadama and carrying it forward.  "Jadhaga parivarthanai" (Horoscope exchange). The search starts from sites and mostly the boy's side calls on the girl's side. Here goes the conversation. Generally groom's parents are more dominating and have the attitude "Naanga paiyanathu side-akkum" and the girls' side try to be submissive.

Groom's Mother: "Halo, Mami ungathu ponnu details Tamil Matrimonyla parthom. En paiyan id tharen. Parungo. Avan "AMERICA" la padichitu angaye velai pakaran. Ungathu ponnu velai pakarala? Photos anupungo"

Bride's Mother: "Solungo mami, naa pakaren. Paiyanoda photo irukum illaiya. Jadagham sariya irunthu kuzhanthelkum pudichirntha namma daralama proceed panalam. After all namaku kuzhanthel santhosham thana mukiyam. Unga ooru ethu?"

Groom's Mother: "Naan Kumbakonam. Engathu mama kum Kumbakonam than. Avar Bank la GM-a irunthu retire agitar. Engaluku rendu kuzhanthel. Ponnu chinava. Kalyanam agi US-la settle ayita".

Bride's Mother: "Oho.. Naangalum Tanjavur than. Engathu mama oru company MD ya irukar. Engaluku eva orey ponnu"

....

Goes the conversation. Now if you look into the conversation, America or any foreign country is important these days as it is a mark of prestige. I dont understand what is with where the prospective groom is actually located. It is most common amongst the brahmin families to have either the groom or the bride working for an MNC and either or both working elsewhere. Now after exchanging the "Jadhagam",which mostly decides the further talks, and if everything else is fine such as the groom-to-be liking the bride-to-be's pic, a formal "Ponnu parkum padalam" is arranged.In most cases, the meeting is just to make the girl and boy meet each other and talk about the stuff they might want to know of each other. For elders who accompany, it becomes a session to discuss the "lougiga vishayam"  which means, discussing about where and when the marriage can be arranged if everything goes on as they want. We call it the bajji sojji session for the grooms'side ;-). Most of the times, the guys who come for vacation and schedule 2-3 bajji sojji sessions to decide on one prospective bride for them. So they have choices to make. As for me, it all happened in a week's time. Right from exchanging the horoscopes to meeting each other to formal engagement. So is the case with my husband. So, I cant comment on how it would be if the guy or the girl says no. The entire""ponnu parkum padalm" itself is irritating(my personal opinion)

Now if all is well, as the "ELDERS"want it to be, a formal engagement is announced and rings are exchanged. Though in earlier days, it was conducted on the day before the marriage, it has become a practise to let the groom-to-be's side to conduct a formal ring ceremony. Generally, the marriage expenses are borne by the bride's side. I personally wonder who brought in all these practises as both the sides are responsible for whatever is being done. Is marriage not a practise to bring two families to be one? Now i don't want to digress.

After the ring ceremony, both the sides get busy with the marriage chores like buying "pudavais, veshti's, vechu kudukara samaan, pathram, velli samaan, thangam, etc". One main thing is preparing the invitation list. Oh... The invitation list now will contain people whom you might not even know but of those people who come and ask you (if at all you meet them on some other occassion.) They say "Enna nyabagam irukka?" Hahaha.. I wouldn't have known that person and would still say Yes. Lol.. Now back to this, after all the purchases are done, we finally settle down for the marriage day. Hey wait.. what am I typing about settling down for the D-day. Tension always prevails until the last moment. Even after meticulous planning. "Itha eduthu vechchacha? Atha.. Aprom atha?" With people around, you feel the tension only creeping up rather than subsiding..

Now on to the D-day.. Await the next post from me on this :) Kalyana Galatta :D 

My Dream House

Since my childhood, I've always wanted to build a house that will have many facilities. I've kept designing it in my dreams every now and then. I was so much obsessed that I even wanted to become an architect for that one dream project. I look forward to every Saturday's newspaper. The Saturday supplements contain property details that are for sale. It would also contain some articles that would help us design a house with some better amenities. 

Now on to my "dream house" details..

It would contain the following specs..

• A large living room which would be surrounded with small bonsais.. The living room will be designed in a way that once we enter, we have some space and in the middle of the room, we climb down a few steps that to have a seating. The seating arrangement will be in a circular fashion with nice sofas and a center table.
• Up we climb, we are led to a kitchen with dining room. The kitchen should be spacious enough with wood work done to close the open shelves. All storages go into the shelves and there is a nice kitchen wares to compliment the decor. Also, a nice dining table with chairs are put up. There should be facility for cutting and washing vegetables in a separate place with all necessary waste management in place. From the kitchen a small open area must be there with small chairs put up with grass where we can have tea/coffee on a relaxed evening.
• On the other side of the kitchen, there should be provision for having the washing machine and dishwasher.
• Back to the living room area.. From the living room, we shall be led to another another room which'll be connected and can used a study/ music room. An attached bath should be there as well..

Now, my house should be a duplex and so from here, there should a staircase that will lead to the first floor of the house. A circular path way with parapet wall that helps us see what is happening in the living room area. On to the rooms :) 

• There will be three rooms. Each serving as a bed room. One is the master bedroom with huge queen size cot & mattress. On one side of the wall, a flat TV should be there. This room should have an attached bathroom. The bathroom should be fitted with a nice bath tub and nice curtain. The bathroom should have a wash closet at the other end and a music system should be there to help enjoy the shower.
• The next bedroom is for my cute lil one. The walls should be painted with barbies and cute animals that she likes. The bathroom that I mentioned should be connected to her room as well
• Next comes the Guest room with a set of sofas and the other end of the room with a cot.
• Another end of the first floor should lead to a terrace garden with many small plants.

This is not all. This is just a small spec. Lol. Some great man has asked us to Dream, Dream And DREAM. I am dreaming big so that it turns true one day.. Cheers :)